I've been making Mulled Wine for about five years and this is a recipe I have perfected over time. The recipe makes enough for about two bottles worth (anything less isn't worth it in my opinion)
Get a big pan. Pour about half a pint of cold water in there. Heat it up. Put in two tablespoons of brown sugar. Throw in four cinnamon sticks and 15-20 cloves. Mix dem all up. Sniff it. Happy Christmas. Chop a lemon and an orange into slices. Put them in. Put a lid on. Take the pan off the heat. Leave for 20 minutes. Think about Jesus. Pour in two bottles of cheap (but not nasty) red wine. Slowly heat (do NOT boil) Add some port. And some brandy. Then you have to do a lot of tasting. You want to remove the sharpness by adding sugar (rather than boiling off the alcohol) Once you're happy with the taste, ideally leave it overnight but failing that just give it to your family and friends and make them good and drunk.
Darn! Blast! Curses! Another one of my ideas stolen. This time by Gastromaniac Heston Blumenthal (I should have realised how influential this blog was) Dont know if you were watching his "In Search of Perfection" series but in his christmas special he was cooking the perfect christmas dinner for Lord Terry Wogan, Richard E Grant and Mel or Sue from Mel and Sue (how did she sneak in there?) Hetson decided to feed his goose a feed which was flavoured with stuffing to make the bird taste like...stuffing. He also made a mulled wine which was both hot and cold (will post my recipe now) and created the perfect bowl of dry roasted peanuts by persuading an elf to simultaneously wee and cry on each and every one and then sent them into outer space in a carrier bag. Apparently it brings out the smokiness. I like Mr Blumenthal but what I cant get over is how weird he looks, I'm no employee of Specsavers but I'm sure those glasses are the wrong shape for his face. Meeeeeow!, get me, handing out opthalmic insults. If he reads this (which he definitely will do) I'l never get that invite to The Fat Duck.
You've got to love our cheeky little Simon...
Well, here we are. Another Christmas. Me, I like Christmas, in fact, I love it. I know there is a fairly big and large argument that it's a huge onslaught of enforced consumerism and fun. Buy this and that, go there and see those people, drink this, eat that, why not buy this then sit there and think that. However, I am a child of the eighties and it's all I've ever known. I like the fact that you are forced to stop and hopefully go home and see those people that you grew up with. I do honestly like the fact that you buy presents, this year is the first year I have woken up on Christmas morning and been more excited about the presents I gave than the ones I was receiving (sickening aren't I?). I love being at home mulling some wine (recipe to follow soon) doing not really much but eating, drinking and watching delicious crap (last night I watched the entire Kenn Dodd night on BBC2). It's my favourite time of year and I HATE the cold and I LOVE the sun, so thats how much I love it. In the spirit of Christmas I present to you my big sister Zoe who is the first person I have ever let write all over my perfect blog and one of the best things about being home, here she is with a lovely yuletide greeting:
hello i'm Ben's big sister (not so much of the big please!) we've had a great christmas and I, like my bro, was more excited about giving rather than receiving this year. No rude jokes please! It is of course of my gorgeous 20 month year old son Harrison Reeve who has been so entertaining and funny and has made this christmas a christmas to remember. Mainly because I'm usually so pissed I can't remember a thing but this year i've had to be responsible! No! not really! It's because seeing his little face light up when opening his presents and believing in santa and the magic of christmas, it will be even better next year! Happy christmas to all of Ben's Bloggers xxxx
Ho ho ho! Meeeerrry Christmas. More guest posts to follow in in 2008 blog fans but, for now, have a right load of massive yuletide fun XXX
I seem to remember Adrian Moles dad saying that the only thing more dull than hearing about peoples dreams is hearing about peoples problems. Regardless of this I feel duty bound to tell you about a dream I had last night and a dream I had in Thailand. Last night I dreamt I was on a plane with Joan Rivers. Joan insisted that the mash potato on her plate was the best she had ever tasted and invited me to try some, feeding me a hefty portion from her fork. I then decided to order a bottle of red wine and we talked, laughed and drank until we landed in the UK and then went on to someones house for more wine. Joan is one of the loveliest women I have ever met in my dreams and I am very much looking forward to meeting her again.
The second dream involved the amount of animal interaction that was on offer in Thailand. I don't mean illicitly with ping pong balls or anything but there were ever-present offers to ride on elephants, sit with tigers, lick parrots etc. So much so I had a dream one night which involved me showering with baby leopards and it seemed perfectly normal. At the side of the street was a crude but stable shower set up. I entered the shower (in shorts) and baby leopards were passed to me which I washed. Bye.
After Sky Soccer Sports Sunday's Mammoth Monster Match Down of football this weekend I got to thinking about how digital is taking over footy. I remember when the digital boards were brought in for taking players on or off. At the time they seemed pretty ridiculous but now I couldn't imagine the game without them (actually I could, I just think back to when they held up wooden boards) There is also the ridiculously annoying advertising hoardings that succeed in getting your attention far too well when there is a lull in the game. Digital TV screens allow goals to be replayed at the actual ground should any fan have gone for a mis-timed wee wee. In fact the only thing left is the humble ref's yellow and red cards and his little notebook and pencil. Surely they should all now carry a PDA that will allow them to choose between a red or yellow display and then also allow them to swipe a players barcode on the back of his shirt instantly logging his details and offence etc. And instead of having old fashioned whistles they should use...an ipod? When will the madness end?
2) Elephants can suffer depression
3) Mosquitoes are attracted to mosquito repellant
4) Cocktail recipes are open to interpretation
5) If someone hands you a life jacket whilst smiling there is still cause for alarm
6) ManTurtles exist*
7) If you were given dogs feet to eat on a plane you would eat them
8) Praying Mantis' aren't deadly
9) Beat It is the best Michael Jackson song ever
10) Yes often means No
* More on ManTurtles to follow
For some reason whilst laying on the beach I kept thinking about Ted Chippington. I was first introduced to him by Stewart Lee who did a short documentary on him for The Culture Show. Ted wasn't necessarily a comedian as he explains in the interview, he just used to stand on stage before a band came on and say stuff. He definitely wasn't concerned with making people laugh and used to entertain himself by deliberately confusing and winding up the audience. In many ways you can draw parallels with him and Andy Kaufman although whilst Kaufman had a rather prolific career, Ted gave up when too many people started liking him. He seems to be loved by other comics and Lee cites him as the reason he started doing stand up in the first place. Whether you like him or not you have to agree that his appearance on the BBC Pebble Mill programme is a fantastic piece of youtubery. Anyway, he's back and goes by the name of Rev. Ted Chippington. I'm getting tickets, do you want one?
